Friday, May 6, 2011

Duct tape, Beyond the pond.

Growing up, I always new about Duct Tape. I knew of it's many uses for holding plastic on windows in the winter, holding the foam wrapping on the pipes coming out of the furnace
And even in one case, holding me to a tree upside down while my brother shot me with a bb gun. The older I got I realized that Duct Tape did more than that. I've seen MacGuyver build a rocket ship out of Duct Tape and fly to the moon using his Swiss Army knife as a oxygen conductor. (although the Swiss Army knife will have to be discussed in another post.)
  
Duct tape, is cloth or scrim-backed pressure sensitive tape often sealed with polyethylene. It is very similar to gaffer tape but differs in that gaffer tape was designed to be cleanly removed, while duct tape is not. It is generally silver or black but also available in other colors. With a standard width of 178 inches (48 mm), duct tape was originally developed in 1942 during World War II as a water-resistant sealing tape for ammunition cases.[citation needed] Permacel, then a division of Johnson & Johnson, used a rubber-based adhesive to help the tape resist water and a fabric backing to add strength.[citation needed] It was also used to repair military equipment quickly, including jeeps, firearms, and aircraft because of these properties. (Last paragraph taken from Wikipedia because I didn't feel like typing all that myself. The links are from Wiki and do not work. Unless you have Duct tape to fix them, they're gonna stay broken)

I do advise that you take a look at the wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duct_tape and see some of the other names given as slang for Duct Tape in the second paragraph.... (Here at IDK we do not promote racism, hate speech, hate crimes, rude people, slander, dead baby jokes, cancer jokes, nigger jokes, spic jokes, mick jokes, oven jokes about jews, and inhumane use of Duct Tape for purposes of rape or torture....


Unless you film it and give us a copy....... Do not film it, do not even do it. It's not funny to joke about such things... Unless she is a consenting 17 year old girl...... That's not funny either. Ignore that part.)

Some Ideas that Dean and I have come up with for using Duct Tape on a daily basis for your daily and nightly lives are, in some cases and states, frowned upon. You should check your local laws before attempting any of these ideas.

This stuff can be used for just about anything that you can think of.

Having Marital Problems? Fuck getting her diamonds. This is cheaper.

Problems with the kids? Or the neighbors kids that are throwing rocks at your dog?


As far as I'm concerned anyway, this kid shouldn't have been standing so close to someone that would do this. I'm thinking about do this to my kids. No worries, if I do, there will be pics. Possibly a new blog. What Brad Does When Mary is Working.  Sounds like a nice title... I'm not sure all the prostitutes and drug dealers and whores I'm snorting cocaine off of would appreciate me taking pics of them and telling a story about them in a blog..
Enough getting off track. Lets get back to DUCT TAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is always the before and after at the Mississippi Illiterate Left Turn Convection. (also know as nascar)
 
Yes I know it's two different cars. It's only a joke people.

How about even Jeff Gordon used Duct Tape when he was a baby


In some cases when you wanna get freaky deaky with that super hot woman that you work. You can invite her over to the house, make her some dinner, add wine, possibly give thought to rufies, (do not use the date rape drug). Maybe pop in a porno tape that you recorded from one of the free porn channels that you're stealing from Direct TV, turn do the lights, and forget that the night you were recording porn you were popping ecstasy with your neighbor and you and him were into S/M and trying out your gay side, and then you find out that the girl from the office has a dark side in bed, and also attends the local MMA school and you attempting to fight was out of the question, and before the night is over you're dressed like this.
That pissed off look is coming from one of two things... Knowing the pain that awaits you when you take this off, or knowing the pain that awaits you at work on Monday morning when she shows everyone this picture, and tells them all that your penis was small.... That is a new list as well.

Things Duct Tape will not fix. For one, your small penis. Also it will not fix the dignity or this photo, or the pain having itself ripped on of your....self.... nvm.

One thing that this will never fix, Is a blithering idiot attempting to run for office of the United States.
Good Luck with that.....



It will not fix the bully in school... But it will stop him from stealing your underwear and hanging them on a flag pole, or stringing you up in the gym by your underwear. Might not be the fix you're looking for, but at least no one sees your underwear when he decides to stick you to a wall.

It can Also work for animal attire. (I'm not someone that enjoys dressing animals up. I think it is cruel.)
That is pretty sweet fucking hat tho Kitty.



With all the horrible Ideas, I must stress the importance of not attempting any of the things that We have talked about here.
So after WEEKS and WEEKS of going through Photos and texts and videos and porn. (not porn with Duct tape. We just get bored sometimes) We here at IDK have come up with the absolute greatest use in the history of Duct Tape.

  1. Hanging posters.
  2. Decorative book cover.
  3. Fix broken tail light on vehicle.
  4. Twist a long piece into rope (thousands more uses).
  5. Tape wires down on floor or out of the way.
  6. Tape wires back together after splicing (much wider than electricians' tape).
  7. Reattach rear view mirror.
  8. Repair cracked windshield/window.
  9. Patch ripped clothing.
  10. Hide unsightly wallpaper seams.
  11. Repair broken hoses.
  12. Repair broken fan belt.
  13. Use as art medium.
  14. Fix broken book binding.
  15. Band-Aid for really big cuts.
  16. Attach leg splint to broken leg.
  17. Wallpaper your house (may be slightly expensive, but well worth it for the resulting sophisticated look).
  18. Reinforce pages in 3 ring binder.
  19. Cover up empty drive bays.
  20. Fold in half and use as bookmark.
  21. Disk labels.
  22. Rappelling harness.
  23. Toilet paper.
  24. Hinge on cabinet door.
  25. Repairing leak in tire/inner tube.
  26. Taping annoying people to walls, floor, ceiling, or bed.
  27. Holding together computer cases.
  28. Hold up exhaust pipe (doesn't last very long).
  29. Repair upholstery.
  30. Make lawn furniture.
  31. Make lawn decorations.
  32. Fix racquetball racquets.
  33. Roll into a ball for hockey practice.
  34. Mark lines on a sporting event field.
  35. Clothing � all sorts.
  36. Can be use to wrap duct work, but doesn't seal or hold up ducts very well.
  37. Use to pull unsightly hair.
  38. Keeps pledges in their place (also applies to siblings).
  39. Patches holes in vinyl siding.
  40. An entire roll can be used in place of a bedroom door to keep someone in for hours.
  41. Twisted correctly, can be used as a billy-club.
  42. Wrapped around newspaper to make a dog chew toy.
  43. Holding on book covers.
  44. Reflective lettering.
  45. Mute function for humans.
  46. Contraceptive device.
  47. Climbing rope.
  48. Earrings.
  49. Cover old pocket folders -- lasts forever!
  50. Shoe designs.
  51. Girdle.
  52. Sealing envelopes (in case you hate the taste of envelope glue).
  53. Replacement for airplane glue.
  54. For store owners:  great way to keep the wigs on mannequins.
  55. Seat belts that'll REALLY keep the kids still.
  56. Closing chip bags.
  57. Make the stapler obsolete!
  58. Putting up Christmas lights (easy removal).
  59. Why bother with waxing...
  60. Add several layers to your car's bumpers for a much safer ride.
  61. Fix vacuum cleaner hose.
  62. Tape ski boot to your ski when the binding breaks.
  63. Repair seams of ski gloves.
  64. Wrap around your waist when your zipper splits in a one piece ski suit.
  65. Lift and separate when you don't want to wear a bra or can't have straps showing.
  66. Hold temple onto eye glasses.
  67. Fix printer.
  68. Make a wallet out of it.
  69. Hold car hood shut.
  70. Patch hole in canoe.
  71. Fixing sets for the school play.
  72. Making props look more realistic.
  73. Make letter for letter jacket.
  74. Hold your letter to your letter jacket.
  75. Re-enforce the phone cord.
  76. Hold batteries in remote control.
  77. Play a CD (reflect a laser beam onto a CD to play it).
  78. Stick pictures up in your locker.
  79. Fix holes in your Airwalks.
  80. Use instead of nail polish.
  81. Hold pens together.
  82. Belt.
  83. Wrap your ankle for sports.
  84. Can be used in place of handcuffs.
  85. Rings.
  86. Hold file cabinet together.
  87. Hold shoe laces together.
  88. Can replace shoe laces.
  89. Can be used in place of Velcro.
  90. Write term paper on it.
  91. Graduation present.
  92. Can be used to put back together a shredded term paper.
  93. Stop your jeans from fraying.
  94. Hair ties.
  95. Hold spikes to your cleats.
  96. Make a book shelf.
  97. Necklace.
  98. Note cards.
  99. Remove lint from clothes.
  100. Makes great bumper stickers with a sharpie!
  101. Cook a baked potato in it.
  102. Hold car door shut.
  103. Tape plastic over broken rear window in car.
  104. Tape down ripped carpet.
  105. Tape sole of ratty sneaker to body of sneaker.
  106. Hold speaker wire to the back of speaker.
  107. Use it as a Biore strip.
  108. Practical joke toilet paper replacement.
  109. Makes a good bib.
  110. Put it on your lawn and paint it green.  Say good-bye to mowing.
  111. Mouse trap.
  112. Fly paper.
  113. Tape your little brothers' mouths shut.
  114. Use as vinyl flooring.
  115. Cover rust holes in your car.
  116. Ashtray.
  117. Roofing shingles.
  118. Make a clothes line.
  119. Window coverings.
  120. Use a roof rack on your car for carrying luggage and other items.
  121. Fix a broken plate.
  122. Patch a hole in your swimming pool.
  123. Make a swing for your kids.
  124. Make a tent for camping.
  125. For the annoying mother-in-law.
  126. Lock people into their house, school, office, etc.
  127. Hold your car's bumper in place.
  128. Seat covers in your car.
  129. Fix holes in your sock.
  130. Fix the hole in your favorite coffee cup.
  131. Make a coffee cup.
  132. Retread your tennis shoes.
  133. Earmuffs.
  134. Repair work gloves.
  135. Make work gloves.
  136. Home security system - tape up doors and windows.
  137. Watch band.
  138. CD case.
  139. Wrap a soda can or bottle in duct tape to keep it cold.
  140. Makes stylish notebook decorations.
  141. Use it to fix old instruments.
  142. Use it as a dog/cat/rabbit/frog/lizard/etc. leash.
  143. Hold on toupees.
  144. Duct tape annoying, rambunctious students to their seats.
  145. Reupholster the roof on a '83 Mustang convertible (or any vehicle for that matter).
  146. Attach it to the end of a yard stick (sticky side out) as a way to get pennies out from behind the couch.
  147. Surgical bandage.
  148. Fix a cigarette that is broken at the filter.
  149. A clothesline when you're out in the middle of nowhere.  (Peace Corps favorite.)
  150. Use it as a substitute for Bondo.
  151. Makes excellent streamers for bicycle handlebars.
  152. Toilet seat cover.
  153. Reflectors.
  154. Replace broken screen in your screen doors to create an excellent storm door for those cold winter nights.
  155. Makes great posters with the aid of magic markers.
  156. Make a sheet for your bed.
  157. Wrap freshmen up in it.
  158. Use to make the lines in the middle of the road.
  159. Make a space suit out of it so you can walk on the moon.
  160. Use as a musical instrument.
  161. Make a hat.
  162. Make a wallet chain out of it.
  163. Stare at it and try to find new uses for it.
  164. Make a boat out of it.
  165. Throw it at people.
  166. Write on it and stick to someone's back.
  167. Put a few rolls on their side and roll them to have a duct tape race!
  168. Tape a hedge trimmer or chain saw to a long pole in order to trim or cut tall trees.
  169. Use it as hockey tape.
  170. Tape Tupperware containers together in a way that you can stack them on top of each other for more storage space.
  171. Use to keep the cover of an old ice cream maker securely attached.
  172. Cut a hole in a piece of cardboard, wrap duct tape around it and get a really inexpensive original looking picture frame.
  173. Tape Nerf basketball hoop to the back of a door because they just don't stay on their own.
  174. Make a pouch and attach it to a door so you can hold stuff.
  175. Repair smashed pumpkin.
  176. Waterproof sun screen for bald men.
  177. Snowmobile/motorcycle seat cover.
  178. Hold broken U-joints together on truck so you can make it home.
  179. Makes a good replacement for chrome.
  180. Patch holes in convertibles or soft top jeeps.
  181. Resurface your trampoline.
  182. Artificial lighting.
  183. Use it to tape 10 year olds with sugar highs to trees during boyscout trips.
  184. Can be made to fashion weapons in a pinch.
  185. Emergency limb replacements.
  186. Prosthetics.
  187. Make fantastic puppets and other toys.
  188. Can be used to clean the floor when no vacuum is available.
  189. S & M.
  190. Make a ball.
  191. Repair trim on cars.
  192. Patch up fish tank.
  193. Halloween costume.
  194. Waterproof footwear.
  195. Make a makeup case.
  196. Repair leak in pilot gas line.
  197. Gagging device.
  198. Pin striping.
  199. Wrapping Christmas presents.
  200. Patch seams in carpeting.
  201. Patch a hole in a tent.
  202. No need for lunch box - just tape all your food together!
  203. Use to keep President Clinton's pants up.
  204. Cute plant holder.
  205. Keep hair in place.
  206. Make a tie out of it.
  207. Chastity belt.
  208. Blister repair.
  209. Censor speech on softball uniforms.
  210. Repair pantyhose.
  211. Roll it over a pool and make a trampoline.
  212. Keeping guitar strap on your guitar.
  213. Taping mic to mic stand (or a hockey stick).
  214. Taping mic stand to amp.
  215. Hold a float together.
  216. Fix mini blinds.
  217. Get rid of plantars warts.
  218. Hold telephone together.
  219. Hold computer mouse together.
  220. Write on vehicles.
  221. Muzzle.
  222. Make a Halloween mask.
  223. Decorate guard rifles.
  224. Make really cool underwear.
  225. Make a mummy costume for Halloween.
  226. When you get in a really boring conversation pull it out and ask the other person if they can name 101 uses for it (plus or minus 70 or 80).
  227. Attach underwater flashlight to underwater strobe for night dives.
  228. Hold a car battery in.
  229. Headbands.
  230. Jewelry.
  231. Attach glow-in-the-dark bugs to people's houses.
  232. Fixing the toilet seat.
  233. Torture.
  234. Window shade.
  235. Hair extensions.
  236. Seat covering for a 1963 Vespa GS 160 (or any other vehicle for that matter).
  237. Wrap around cardboard tube to make fake swords for the kids.
  238. Waterproof apron.
  239. Beverage holders.
  240. Cooler.
  241. Pet rain gear.
  242. Toilet paper roll cover.
  243. Cell phone holder.
  244. Tool belt.
  245. Shower curtain.
  246. Repair speaker cones.
  247. Poor man's Viagra - two Popsicle sticks and duct tape.
  248. Hold the plastic (or Mylar) on your car where the window should be.
  249. Wrap a "365 Uses For Duct Tape" calendar for Christmas.
  250. Hold up worn out socks.
  251. Suspenders.
  252. Tape keys to bottom of car so you never lose them.

This was brought to our attention by Traci. This is the #1 ALL TIME use for Duct Tape.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1m1KGd/www.rense.com/general89/duct.htm

Copy and Paste. Link wouldn't work.

(The links in this entire post may actually work. Before we post, we will will not know. Just a heads up)